I’ve been looking into the topic myself as I refuse to believe that there isn’t a way to get an infant into a routine.

Most of my research has shown that there is a system.

First off, don’t bother trying to get your infant into a routine any earlier than two to three months old. They’re just too young and don’t have any clue what is goining on. They are not self aware enough to get into a system until close to three months.

We got a preview of what was to come as my wife’s sister had a baby girl 9 months before Alexandria’s due date. Things didn’t go well for my sister-in-law and her husband. Her parents came in from out of town to help with the new baby. The problem was that they came for 6 months.

Upon their arrival, her parents decided their sole reason for being there was to keep the baby happy at all costs and that the baby should never cry. They did and outstanding job if that was their goal. The moment the baby w0uld utter a peep, they would go running to her side. They would be on top of her and talking or singing or playing with her every waking moment of the day until the baby would go to sleep for the night. They would hold and rock the baby to sleep.

This went on for 6 months straight. By the time the grandparents left and went home, they had completely convinced the baby that no one in this world is ever alone and that the minute you wake up someone is there until you fall asleep again.

The problem here is that the child now cannot be left alone without freaking out. You also cannot get her to fall asleep unless you are right next to her or preferably, holding her. She wakes up terrified if no one is there.

One reason babies can’t fall asleep alone or go back to sleep when they wake up in the night is that her parents are trying to be sneaky. When you let the baby fall asleep in your arms then bring her to the crib and gently put her down while trying not to wake her, you are confusing her. All she knows is that she fell asleep in mommy or daddy’s arms. She expects to wake up in the same place. When she wakes up in another room in her crib and no one is there, she is confused and unhappy. Since she can’t get up and go back to where she wants to be, she cries for you to come and do that for her.

My niece’s parents are now miserable. Wifey and I showed them a book we bought that had a section on training a baby to sleep well by itself. It says you should have a nightly ritual that you do with the baby.

At around the same time every night, you perform this ritual. For example, give her a bath followed by her last bottle. Now read her a story or sing her her nightime song. Rub her back or help her relax for a bit then give her a kiss and leave the room.

If she starts crying, let her cry for 5 minutes then go back in. You can comfort her by telling her everything is ok and place your hand on her chest. You cannot pick her up or engage her. You should not stay in the room for more than 5 minutes even if she keeps crying. If after you leave the room she continues crying, you should now wait 10 minutes before going back in and repeating the steps above. The third time and each time thereafter, you should wait 15 minutes before going in.

Watch the clock if you need to, but do not go in any sooner. The baby will eventuall tire herself out and fall asleep on her own. If she wakes up in the middle of the night and is dry and fed, repeat the steps above.

It is important that you don’t wait until the baby is already asleep before putting her in her crib. She needs to know she is there and fall asleep there. This way, when she wakes up there at 3am, she’ll know where she is.

Now, it will take some patience and tough love to do this. Despite being given this information, my sister-in-law and her husband are still battling with their daughter to get her into normal sleep habits. The primary reason is that they can’t stand hearing her cry for so long. They feel bad and feel like they are being mean. The truth is that by letting her cry, they’re also letting her tire herself out and teaching her how to settle herself and learn to fall asleep on her own, which will help with the middle of the night wake up calls.

Another reason they are having trouble with this system is because again, they feel bad because the few nights they’ve tried this, the following day, their daughter gets upset every time they leave the room and is more afraid of being left alone.

Again, I think this is to be expected considering that they child has always had someone on top of her at all times her entire life. By strictly sticking to the plan above, they will teach their daughter how to be comfortable falling asleep alone and as a result, make her more comfortable with being alone for short periods while she’s awake.

She just needs to be ok with the idea that she is ok alone and hasn’t been abandoned. You will not teach her any of this by giving in because she’s crying and reinforcing her bad behavior.

Have you successfully trained your child to sleep through the night? Are you dealing with this situation now yourself? Please leave a comment below and let us know how it went!

No related posts.